It's almost as if I forgot how to feel, or how to cry. Maybe, I am as aloof as I think I am. Maybe, knowing yourself so well isn't a good thing either. 

God bless those whom I've hurt along the way, in my personal struggle. I didn't mean to. I don't want to. But it's almost as if it's bound to happen. That's why I chose to shut everyone off. That way, damage is minimized. And I've just proved myself right that if I don't, I'll just hurt others even more. 

Maybe it's all meant to be. En soledad. 

You're out to make fun of me, aren't you? You dangled a piece of carrot in front of me, but made sure I would not be able to take it. 

You know that you hold the string to my arm. My wooden hands will never be able to reach out for it on my own. I have not yet garnered enough courage and strength to break free from you. Without you, I'm am nothing, just a lifeless puppet. My rationality is telling me not to take it, "you are not yet ready to break free". But my heart is tugging at me to. You gave the ends of my strings to the angel and devil. I don't think it's fun. I'm sliding in and out of different states of extreme emotions as they each attempt to make me do their bidding. You played this game because you know you will definitely win. Yes, you have, for now.

One day, I will break free. And take from you, the carrot you once dangled in front of me.

Gone are the innocent and happy times that we play together. Time waits for no man, and it has forced us all to keep moving along. However much some people don't like it, we have already begun the different tracks that each of us will take, alone, for the phase of our lives. "We won't be coming back." You cope with losses and gains. People walk in and out of your lives, and you learn to let go. It's all part of growing up.

I'm trying very hard. It's painful enough to see your friends leave, one by one. We can try to stay in contact, but it's no longer the same. You no longer share the same memories, the same goals...  You can try very hard to understand each other, but after you part ways, you start losing the common things that both of you hold dear. "So if we get the big jobs and get the big money, when we look back now, will our jokes still be funny?" People do change, no matter how reluctant they are to admit it.

I have been deluding myself for the past few weeks, thinking it's not yet time to say goodbye.

To all my friends,
"As we go on, we remember,
all the times we had together.
And as our lives change,
come whatever,
We will still be friends forever."